In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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