five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
