fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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