K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
