I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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