I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize