We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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