is your mom at the bar?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Is it because I queefed?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
