there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
