just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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