Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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