ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize