Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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