Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
