I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize