Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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