please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We need to get me chipped asap
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
