whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Someone came in the potted fern
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize