i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
