Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
