Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
