Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize