We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
