i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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