When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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