Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
