Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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