shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
