This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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