You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Porn is love you can see.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
