If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You left your phone here
Wait...
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