Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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