Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
