the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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