i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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