The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
