your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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