You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Still dying that you shit outside
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
