All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
