a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The uberlube is also flammable
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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