I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
