nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
