Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hippo gnu deer
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
