so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize