I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
