Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
