So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just threw up on my dentist
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
