well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
