I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This toilet bowl is my home.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
