Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
false alarm, still single
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
