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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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