the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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