i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just high enough for therapy.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
