We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
