You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
