Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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