Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
