Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
