she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
