The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
