What did we do last night that was yellow?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
