I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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