I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
