im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
